


Silence is the most powerful scream

by Shrlckwtsn



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anorexia, But before season 6, Chen is also 16, Chen's the support for Lloyd, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Let's all agree on that, Lloyd deserves better, Lloyd is 16, Lloyd lives together with his mom in this fanfiction and not with the others, Lloyd's like a little brother to the Smith siblings, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Misako is an extremely bad mother, Physical Abuse, Plays after season 5, Psychic Violence, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, The rest is about 20 years old, Underage Smoking, Wu is great tho, lots of screaming going on oof
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-08 20:50:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16436525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shrlckwtsn/pseuds/Shrlckwtsn
Summary: 『So he just layed silently on his bed, under his blanket, trying to ignore her painful screams and the smell of alcohol which was almost unbearable.』





	1. Between bottles of alcohol

**Author's Note:**

> In which Misako didn't take Garmadon's farwell too well and let's her frustration out on her son.
> 
>  
> 
> TW: Alcohol Abuse, Mental and Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Strong Language

"IT'S YOUR FAUL!", her screams were getting louder. Loud steps were coming from the stairs. "IT'S YOUR FAULT HE'S GONE!"

_I know._

Her steps wer becoming louder and louder. She was coming nearer. I rolled myself together into a ball und my blanket. Begging inside of my mind for her to leave me alone, even if it was just for a day.  
The doorswung open. I started to shake.

_Please just go away._

She took my blanket and threw it to the other side of the room.  
"EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER WITHOUT YOU! HE WOULD STILL BE HERE IF YOU WOULDN'T EXIST!", she screamed at me. Her breath stank from all the alcohol.  
"M-mom, I-", a sharp pain ran over the left side of my face and I held my cheek in shock.

She slapped me. She really just slapped me. My eyes started to fill with tears and my vision was getting blurry.  
She just stood there. Right in front of me, totally calm. "Don't call me "mom". You're not my son anymore. You never were.", and with these words she just left the room.  
My body started trembeling even more than before and tears ran down my cheeks. I couldn't help but let a sob get out of my throat. What did I do wrong? Didn't destiny fuck me up enough? Now my own mother hated me, but deep inside I knew that her words were telling the truth. It was my fault that my father was gone. After all I was the one who banished him into the Cursed Realm.

More sobs escaped my throat as I ran into the bathroom. Even the bathroom was full with bottles of alcohol, some were even broken. I locked the door behind me and just stared at myself in the mirror. I hated what I saw.  
My eyes were puffy and red, my cheeks were dry and sticky from all the crying.  
God damn it. I was such a fucking cry baby.

A thought ran through my mind and I looked down on the floor. I picked one of the pieces of glass up.  
For a while I just sat on the edge of the bathtub with the shattered glass in my hand. I looked at it, thinking if I should really do this. People on the internet said it helped them with the pain, so why shouldn't it help me too? Also it wasn't like anyone would really care so whatever. I slowly rolled my left sleeve up and placed the razor blade on my skin. A shaky breath left my body as I made the first cut. It burned like hell, but at least my physical pain made me now forget about my emotional pain. I placed four other cuts on my arm. Every time the blade went through my skin I winced silently.  
I rolled my sleeve up again, washed the glass and put it into the bin.

"Maybe I should just go to sleep...", I mumbled quietly to myself and went to my room again. I picked up my blanket and layed down on my bed, closing my eyes.  
I drifted away into the land of dreams while hoping for better days to come again.


	2. catching up

The next day I woke up later than usual. The first thing I noticed was the smell of this damn liquid my mother drank way too often.  
My throat felt sore and my eyes burned, so I decided to go downstairs to get a glass of water. I knew it would be a mess downstairs, after everything that happened yesterday. Just thinking of it made a shiver go down my spine. My eyes looked at my left arm, I rolled up the sleeve. My arm was covered in a few cuts and dry blood was all around them. I'd definitely had to wash the cuts. I rolled my sleeve down again and went downstairs.

When I finally made my way down the smell of alcohol got even worse - it was almost unbearable. I immediately opened all the windows and threw away all the bottles that layed there on the floor. Some were scattered and I had to be careful to not cut myself.  
After that I went to the kitchen and got myself a glass of water, deciding to skip breakfast simply because I wasn't hungry. I looked at my phone as I sat down on the sofa in the livingroom. I small smile came across my lips as I saw my lockscreen.

It was a picture of the whole team. Cole, Kai, Jay, Zane, Nya, my mom, my dad, my uncle and myself. We took it not long before the Overlord made his second comeback. Back then when everything was okay. If I would have known that only three months later we'd lose Zane, just to get him back a year later but in "exchange" lose my father and shortly later get possessed by a ghost from the Cursed Realm, I... I don't know what I would have done to be completely honest. I just felt so fucking helpless. Like a kitten on a tree that had to be saved by a firefighter.

Tears started to form in my eyes. Why did I always have to go through hell? What did I do wrong?  
Wasn't me sacrifcing my childhood enough?  
Wasn't me doing everything to make everyone around me pleased enough?  
Wasn't me literally saving the world multiple times enough?  
Clearly not.

"I just d-don't understand...", I sobbed to myself.  
At this moment I _envied_ Zane. He could just turn his emotions and memorys off with a switch. Why couldn't I do that too? It would be extremely helpful. Just stop feeling. Feeling just... _nothing._

A sigh escaped my throat and I opened the group chat I and the others had. I hadn't talked to them in a while. I honestly missed them. They were like real siblings to me.  
I didn't even know where they were right now. They could be anywhere.  
I just decided to text them.

 

_hey guys_  
_wanted to ask where y'all are at the moment. haven't talked a_   
_lot lately, maybe I can come over or something?_

_ Hey Green Machine! _  
_We're actually in New Ninjago City right now. We wanted to go to_   
_the mall in about two hours (so like 2pm or something)._   
_You wanna come with us?_   
_The others said they'd love for you to come._

 

I smiled a bit at Cole's reply. It was nice to know that at least not everybody on this world hated me.

 

_yeah, I'll come.  
should we meet at the frozen yoghurt stand in the mall?_

_Yes!  
Meet ya there~._

_see you later._

 

I took a fast shower and put some new clothes on before going to the bus stop. It took a while from my town to New Ninjago City. About one and a half hours.  
As I sat down in the bus I noticed something.

_You're a fucking coward Lloyd Garmadon. Why are you wearing a shirt?! Your arms are full of cuts! You're lucky you have a jacket on! And you'll have to keep it on for the whole day!  
They. Can't. Know._

I grabbed the sleeve of my leather jacket and felt myself getting kinda anxious.  
I completely forgot about the cuts. I really was too dumb for anything.

I took my headphones, plugged them into my phone and started listening to some music, trying to get away from that voice inside my head telling me nasty things again. Of course, it didn't work, but I was used to it.

More and more thoughts ran across my mind bringing my mood even more down than it already was.  
When I felt my stomach growling I hit it. Why was it growling? I honestly was not hungry, I actually felt kind of sick.

At some point I got out of the bus and walked up the street to the mall, when I arrived the others were already there.  
The Smith Siblings ran over to me and pulled me in the - probably - firmest hug I'd ever experience.

"A-air.", I choked and they let go of me with a huge look of shock and surprise on their faces. Same with the others that went over to where we were standing. "What?", I asked looking at everyone.

"Your voice has gotten damnnn deep.", Jay spoke up first and everyone nodded in agreement.

I shook my head. "Nah, not really."

"Dude, don't you hear yourself talk?", Cole looked at me, definitely amused. I just rolled my eyes and left it at that.

"So, where are we going? Did you plan something?", everyone shook their heads.

"Y'all hungry? Because I know I am! Let us go to Mc Donalds!", Nya said and everyone just agreed. No one ever wanted to argue with Nya. You'll lose if you do. Even if you're right. She's so good with words she can just straight up turn the tables.  
  
"You've lost weight, Lloyd.", Nya randomly said as she walked beside me.  
  
"I don't really think so... I'm pretty much the same... I guess.", just shortly after saying that Zane scanned me, gaining a little slap on the back of his head from me.  
"You've lost 8kg in the last 2 months. You went from 77kg at 1.80m to 69kg."  
  
"Oh, uh.. I don't know how that happened but uhm... It's not a big deal. I mean it's not that I'm underweight, so whatever.", I said as we walked inside the Mc Donalds. I really didn't want to talk about something that unimportant with them.  
  
The others ordered their food and we all sat down. Jay looked at me with an expression that I couldn't really interpret. "You're sure you don't want to order anything?", he said as he took his phone out of his pocket and put it on the table.  
  
"Yeah, I'm not really that hungry. Maybe I'll get something later.", he nodded and we left it at that.

The rest of the day went by fast.  
We talked a lot about what was going on in their life, if we were happy, stuff like that. And I lied.  
I told them that I was happy living together with my mom and everything. They believed it. I mean **of couse** they did. I was a good liar and also they'd never expect my mom to be an alcoholic.  
  
In the End we all agreed on meeting again the next week and left. The more I got nearer to my home the more anxious I became.

_Just a few minutes till she'll scream at you for being god damn useless._


End file.
